Lost in the Pitt-of-hellsburgh

So, was up on business this week in Pittsburgh. Neat town.. they can keep it. In all my travels, I don't actually think I've spent more than two hours there before. I'm sure the locals love it, but for a good-natured southerner.... let's just say I invented new foul language this week.

The trip starts out with Continental airlines deciding that my luggage needed to take a separate trip than I did. Get to Pittsburgh, no bag... great... They tell me there is one more flight coming in that day and that I'll have no problem having by that night. Call me Mr. Pessimist, but I headed straight to target and picked up underwear, slacks, and bathroom stuff. Good thing I did as my wayward traveling bag did not make it on the next flight, it decided to hope a US AIR (aka US-SCARE), and off to another destination. Perfect.

Next morning, bag still not there, I head to the client site in the shirt I wore the day before, cowboy boots, and my new Target slacks. I figured I could let that slide to help keep costs down. Fast forward the day, still no bag.... raise hell with baggage service, whereupon they tell me they will reimburse me for the clothes I bought. DAMMIT! Knew I should have gotten that new Brook's Brothers suit!!!

Well, finally bag comes in, but I am heading to a new hotel for the night. I try to head off them putting it on a truck, but to no avail, its off and on it's way. The damn baggage person had the audacity to act like she was doing me a giant favor. Track the baggage delivery guy down all over town, and he says it will be at least 4 hours before he gets to me. Luckily we worked out a deal and he took it to my new hotel instead. Yay for brain cells!

Now, here is where it get's interesting. Ever seen limited access highways with no exit numbers and confusing signs? Ever seen routes labeled with colors and also numbers? Ever seen two roads right next to each other with the same number but different types of roads? (route versus state route or highway) Ever get off the interstate only to find out that you can't get back on and the entrance is in some obscure neighborhood two miles away? Ever seen slums 500' from million dollar homes on a hill and cops dividing the two areas? I see all these cultural curiosities in about 45 minutes of being lost worse than I have been in a LONNNGG time. Of course I have a GPS which usually keeps me on the right path, but where is it? Yes, in the bowels of my prodigal bag...

Finally get to hotel, settled in, re-united with my bag, and I can finally change into clothes and socks that don't smell like... well, yesterday's clothes and socks. Then its off to dinner. My colleague and I have a great steak dinner, and decide we want to go to a bar for a bit. Ask the bartender, and his directions are more confusing than the damn highway signs! At this point, we get SUPER lost. As to why I didn't put the GPS in my car now that I had it back... I will never know. Apparently I used to steal lollipops from babies in a previous life and this is my penance.

So, after two hours of climbing hills, twisting turns, asking for successive directions from multiple people, I finally find my was back in. Lessons Learned?
1- The prettier the woman you ask directions from in Pittsburgh, the more lost you will get. Not sure how that happened, but it held true
2- You can NOT stop and buy beer in a corner store because you feel like you are going to strangle small animals after being ridiculously lost for hours.
3- I am having my GPS surgically fused to my body and never leaving it in my suitcase again.
4- Four double Captain and Coke's does little to reduce the irritation of such an experience

As I sit here in Charlotte waiting for the last leg of my trip, I can actually start to laugh about it. But, I did take my vitamin-r today just to be able to recover form the fact that I got hardly any sleep because I was so paranoid about being late and getting lost again and missing a flight that I kept waking up.

This morning, I got into the car, flipped on the GPS, and experienced technological bliss as I was guided in by that sweet-as-honey computer generated Australian woman's voice send me ever-so-gently on the correct path to the ride out of hell... plane should have been painted like a bat :)

So long, Pittsburgh!